He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
