Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
