5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
