this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize