Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
