my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
