I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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