I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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