im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
