I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
