when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
