Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
