I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
