Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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