I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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