I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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