I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
