The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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