I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize