If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize