ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
