And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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