Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
