I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
