Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
