He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
