I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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