your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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