Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
