Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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