so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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