I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
