My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
