she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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