Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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