I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
