her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just want to make out with him forever
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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