i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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