I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
