So drunk its hurt
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize