I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
