Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
