before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
