I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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