worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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