Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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