I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
