Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
