I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize