sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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