i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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