sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
