I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
