She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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