Your dad touched me again.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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