Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
