I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
