I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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