No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
