This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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