and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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