Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
