My Higher Power is John Stamos
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
