Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
