When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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