Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
