Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
