I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize